She let go

Two weeks ago, I lost my mind (and not in the "she's so crazy, isn't that hilarious?" kind of way).  I lost the ability to think rationally.  Everything came crashing down and I couldn't see my way out.  I couldn't cry enough tears to fix myself.

And then the fog cleared and the anxiety lifted a little and I could take stock of what had happened.

I am very sorry for those I took down in my moment of most crazy.  If it wasn't something, it would have been something else.  It is no one's problem but my own.

A dear friend sent this to me this morning via email.  It very justly sums up everything I've been feeling and struggling with the past two weeks.

"She let go

She let go. Without a thought or a word, she let go.

She let go of the fear. She let go of the judgments. She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head. She let go of the committee of indecision within her. 

She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons. Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go.

She didn’t ask anyone for advice. She didn’t read a book on how to let go. She didn’t search the scriptures. She just let go. She let go of all of the memories that held her back. She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward. She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right.

She didn’t promise to let go. She didn’t journal about it. She didn’t write the projected date in her Day-Timer. She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper. She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope. She just let go.

She didn’t analyze whether she should let go. She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter. She didn’t do a five-step Spiritual Mind Treatment. She didn’t call the prayer line. She didn’t utter one word. She just let go.

No one was around when it happened. There was no applause or congratulations. No one thanked her or praised her. No one noticed a thing. Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.

There was no effort. There was no struggle. It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad. It was what it was, and it is just that.

In the space of letting go, she let it all be. A small smile came over her face. A light breeze blew through her. And the sun and the moon shone forevermore."

Ernest Holmes

She let go.  I'm working intently and without haste to close the gap between my head and my heart.  To breathe and be thankful for all that I have been blessed with.