Anyway, on my way there this morning I almost ran over a police officer. Rather, a school patrol officer, but police all the same.
Okay, this was not funny at the time, but now that I'm almost an hour removed from the situation, its really, really funny.
Lets analyze: In the past three weeks, I have woken up before 8am probably once, and maybe not at all. So today, I had to be at the dentist office at 8, which meant I needed to get up by 7 to take a shower and allow travel time. No problem. Got up, showered, had some coffee, brushed my teeth, and headed out the door. Apparently, I didn't actually wake up. I drive these streets every day, I know where all the school zones are and when the speed limit changes, and I still almost ran over a man in uniform. In my defense, the school zone happens just after you start down a hill, there was no traffic driving with me or against me, and I honestly didn't think twice about it. And then, as soon as I realized it, I was probably less than 50 yards from this poor, innocent po-po going a good 40mph (which is the normal speed limit, people). I didn't have to screech to a stop, but I definitely couldn't ease into it. By the time I was about 10 yards from him, I was almost at a complete standstill, and then he beckoned me over to him. "Did you not see my yellow flashing lights indicating a school zone?" "I'm sorry" "It's 15mph through here" "I know. Duh" (I didn't actually say, "duh," that was just an inner thought) and then he just stared at me waiting for some kind of explanation. And all I could say was, "I wasn't paying attention." Which was true. If I had to lay my hand on a bible and profess in front of a jury, the statement was 100% accurate.
I can only imagine the situation being much like if you hadn't driven in rush hour traffic for some number of weeks or years, and then found yourself having to adjust to it. I'm not used to morning traffic. This is no excuse for almost steamrolling a police officer, but it does explain my next driving mishap.
After the dentist, which I survived without sweating, I went and got some coffee at Starbucks since I was in the area. Pause for social backlash. (Do you shop a Walmart? Even occasionally? Okay, then lay off my Starbucks.) I had to pull in and get out because the drive-thru line was so long. Got back in my car, backed out, started to pull toward the exit, and almost got plowed into by this crazy maniac lady on a mission in her red Subaru wagon. This was about the time that I started realizing the hilarity of almost running over a cop and then almost getting t-boned by a crazy lady.
Morning drivers, apparently, are more insane than rush-hour drivers. I'm used to the 4-6pm crowd that's never going fast enough, always in the wrong lane, and always talking on their phones. Morning drivers are on a mission.
This is the point where you could easily classify me as one of these missionaries because of said police officer pancake mishap, but I'm going to blame that purely on the fact that it was still somewhere in the 7am hour.
Do not worry, I promise that as long as I'm going to work when you are leaving, I will keep my morning driving hours to a minimum.
Side note: My dad is having his wisdom teeth out today. He's creeping up on 50 years old and he still has his wisdom teeth. Last night in the kitchen, he was asking me all kinds of questions about what to expect. I feel kind of sorry for the guy. Not only is he kind of late on getting them out, but he has all four still in, and all four are on the bottom. I didn't even know this was possible. Anyway, I have a good feeling that his experience will provide great material for a later post.