It is absolutely impossible to blog when you are keeping a secret. A secret that you want to tell immediately. A 10-week secret.
Matt and I found out almost 4 weeks after our honeymoon that we brought home a very special souvenir from St. Lucia. Our little jungle baby (Mowgli) will be here around May 31. We've had a good bit of time to get used to it, but every day there is a little bit of "whoa." Considering we only had 3 weeks of martial bliss before we started Parenting 101, I think we are doing pretty well.
I've been through every emotion in the book--terrified, excited, sad, content, scared again, happy. I'm like a revolving door of emotions right now. Matt has a hard time keeping up with all of them, and, unfortunately, most of the emotions are geared at him.
This ultrasound picture is from 8.5 weeks. By now, we have evolved from the blob shape into a small human with fingers and toes.
I knew I was pregnant before I took the test, before I ever missed a period. I had a sneaking suspicion. Poor Matt never saw it coming.
How do shows like this even exist? Exist enough so that there are multiple episodes? Because so many women are having random babies?
This boggles my mind. Yes, I have seen the show. Yes, these women tend to be overweight or have irregular periods. BUT, COME ON. I am only leaving the first trimester and I feel SO PREGNANT.
Last night, my reflux was horrific. I had a headache. I maybe slept a total of 4 hours. As I lay awake in our bed, Matt snoring peacefully by my side, I couldn't help but think of these women. Women who "wake up with a sharp pain" and then suddenly go into labor and have a baby. HUH?
What about the 9 months of cravings, the hunger, the reflux, the nausea, the BLOATING and gas, the weird pooping, the aching nipples, THE WEIGHT GAIN, anything? Hello?
Did this happen to women back in the day? Like, Jesus times? Or 17th Century England? Were women popping out babies like magic? No, they weren't. Because if they did, THEY'D BE ACCUSED OF WITCHCRAFT.
Gosh, I would feel so unprepared if a baby just showed up one day. Nine months seems like the perfect amount of time, doesn't it? Just enough time, but not too much. God job, God.
That being said, I am so thankful that Matt and I have this time to figure some things out before Mowgli gets here. To enjoy the process, hopefully. I mean, there are still plenty of days that I have to fight a horrible mood and remind myself that there is a PERSON inside of my body. If I didn't know better, I would think an alien had invaded.
For the majority of our marriage, I have hated the way that our house smells and I've generally disliked Matt. He has been amazingly understanding, though, and besides a few minor aggravations, he can pretty much ignore me and my hormonally challenged state.
Sometimes, when we are laying in bed, I look down and think how is a baby going to fit in there? And better yet, how is a baby going to come out of there?
While I'm still a little unsure about the pregnancy (don't worry, I bounce into maternal bliss several times a day), I am so so so very excited to be a mommy. Its a job I've always dreamed about. I can't want to hold her (I think its a girl--we will find out in about 6 weeks), and smell her, and kiss her. And if I tell you all of the things I'm excited about, I will cry. Because that's what pregnant women do.
But what I am most excited about is that we are bringing a child into the world who is going to be loved by so many people. And I want as many people to love our child as conceivable.